Anton Chekhov’s Letter to His Brother about the 8 Conditions for “Civilized People.”

http://ift.tt/2C5eOc7

In 1886, Russian playwright and short-story writer Anton Chekhov wrote a letter of advice to his beloved older brother Nikolai, a talented painter and writer who suffered from severe alcoholism.

Chekhov writes:

To my mind, civilized people ought to satisfy the following conditions:

1. They respect the individual and are therefore always indulgent, gentle, polite and compliant. They do not throw a tantrum over a hammer or a lost eraser. When they move in with somebody, they do not act as if they were doing him a favor, and when they move out, they do not say, "How can anyone live with you!"...

2. Their compassion extends beyond beggars and cats. They are hurt even by things the naked eye can't see. If for instance, Pyotr knows that his father and mother are turning gray and losing sleep over seeing their Pyotr so rarely (and seeing him drunk when he does turn up), then he rushes home to them and sends his vodka to the devil....

3. They respect the property of others and therefore pay their debts.

4. They are candid and fear lies like the plague. They do not lie even about the most trivial matters. A lie insults the listener and debases him in the liar's eyes. They don't put on airs, they behave in the street as they do at home, and they do not try to dazzle their inferiors. They know how to keep their mouths shut and they do not force uninvited confidences on people. Out of respect for the ears of others they are more often silent than not.

5. They do not belittle themselves merely to arouse sympathy. They do not play on people's heartstrings to get them to sigh and fuss over them. They do not say, "No one understands me!" or "I've squandered my talent on trifles!" because this smacks of a cheap effect and is vulgar, false and out-of-date.

6. They are not preoccupied with vain things. They are not taken in by such false jewels as friendships with celebrities, handshakes with drunken Plevako, ecstasy over the first person they happen to meet at the Salon de Varietes, popularity among the tavern crowd....

7. If they have talent, they respect it. They sacrifice comfort, women, wine and vanity to it....

8. They cultivate their aesthetic sensibilities. They cannot stand to fall asleep fully dressed, see a slit in the wall teeming with bedbugs, breathe rotten air, walk on a spittle-laden floor or eat off a kerosene stove. They try their best to tame and ennoble their sexual instinct...

And so on. That's how civilized people act. If you want to be civilized and not fall below the level of the milieu you belong to, it is not enough to read The Pickwick Papers and memorize a soliloquy from Faust. It is not enough to hail a cab and drive off to Yakimanka Street if all you're going to do is bolt out again a week later.

You must work at it constantly, day and night. You must never stop reading, studying in depth, exercising your will. Every hour is precious.

Agree, disagree?

I love lists, manifestos, personal commandments. If you'd like to see my personal commandments, it's here.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Gretchen Rubin http://ift.tt/1h9oA9I

February 17, 2018 at 06:07AM

“I Love Running More for the Mental Clarity It Provides Than Anything Else.”

http://ift.tt/2C13Gx1

Interview: Melissa Dahl.

Melissa is a senior editor at New York Magazine, and I got to know her work because I've been a long-time fan of Science of Us, a site that has now joined The Cut. The sites cover mental health, human behavior, personality, relationships, work, health, wellness -- all subjects that I love to read about.

Melissa is also the author of new book about a fairly unconventional topic: Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness. She looks at the situations that make us feel awkward, and argues that such moments -- although, well, awkward -- have great value. Fascinating!

I couldn’t wait to talk to Melissa about happiness, habits, relationships, and productivity.

Gretchen: You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers -- most?

Melissa: It’s funny — when I would tell my friends and colleagues what I was writing about, a lot of them had the same reaction: “You don’t strike me as particularly awkward!” Which, first of all, thank you, I will take the compliment.

But that response kind of encapsulates what ended up interesting me (and surprising me) about this subject. I became somewhat obsessed with the idea of understanding awkwardness as an emotion, not a personality trait. I mean, it can be both of those things — there are certainly “awkward people” out there. But to me, it’s also a feeling. I may not seem “awkward” from the outside, but I feel it almost constantly! I’m always sure I’m saying or doing the wrong thing; I’m always convinced that people are staring or talking about me after I’ve said or done the wrong thing.

Another thing that surprised me as I was studying this odd little emotion: I have a few first drafts of chapters floating around in my Google docs somewhere, which are all about how to totally ward yourself off from this feeling — with science! This book was initially going to be about how to “overcome awkwardness”; I actually just the other day looked at my book contract with Penguin, and that’s the description of the book that’s in there! But I didn’t end up writing about that at all. In the end, it became more about accepting awkwardness, and even appreciating it. It became a way of finding joy in the absolute absurdity of the human experience.

Gretchen: Do you have any habits that continually get in the way of your happiness?

Melissa: TWITTER! Oh my god!

I mean, on the one hand, it’s great. I’ve connected with so many cool people through Twitter — it has brought genuinely good things to my life. I’ve made offline, IRL friends through idle chitchat on the site, and I’ve met editors and writers in my field who I’ve ended up working with. Sometimes it helps spark story ideas, or alerts me to some new psychology research that I’m able to cover before anyone else does. Actually, now that I think about it, I practically owe this book to Twitter: Years ago, I started chatting about running with another writer, who eventually connected me with her literary agent, who eventually sold Cringeworthy to Penguin!

But on the other hand! Oh, the other, terrible hand. I waste so much time on the site, first of all. I know I need to download one of those apps that limits the time you spend on time-waster websites, but I think part of me doesn’t want to give it up. (Also, I tried doing this years ago, and just found ways to get around the blocks I set up for myself — I downloaded the app to Chrome, so after a while, I just started to go to Firefox to get on Twitter. Gah!) It’s also starting to feel almost unethical to stay on the site — I read something somewhere once (maybe on The Awl? RIP!) that compared it to eating meat: It’s something most of us ethically, logically, know we mayyyyybe should give up, or at least limit, but we just … don’t … want to.

Can you quit a habit that part of you doesn’t really want to quit? I don’t know. But I do know this is getting ridiculous; I checked Twitter twice while writing this answer.

Gretchen: Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?


Melissa: When I was in the final stages of writing Cringeworthy, a lot of my healthy habits disappeared as I desperately tried to finish this, the biggest project I’ve ever attempted. The last few days were particularly ridiculous: me shunning my perfectly functional desk for an Ikea Poang chair, surrounded by half-drunk cans of energy drinks and various open bags of chips and cookies. (All the greats are said to have had their idiosyncratic writing rituals; I was sad to discover that this, apparently, is mine.)

It really wasn’t that hard to clean my diet back up, but during this time, I’d also totally fallen out of the habit of running, something I’ve done most days of the week for the past 10 years or so. There are obvious physical benefits to running, or cardio in general, but I’ve always loved the activity more for the mental clarity it provides than anything else. I always have some new race on the horizon, which usually helps keep me motivated. But for some reason, I just couldn’t get back into it! I would sign up for races and then fail to train adequately, so I would end up skipping them. I was even supposed to run the NYC Marathon this fall, but had to skip that, too, because — again — I hadn’t kept up with the training.

So I tried something new: a run streak. The rules are simple. You run every single day, for at least one mile. And … it worked! I’ve run every day for the last seventy days, even in the rain, even in the snow. (Okay, sometimes I take it indoors, but still. It counts!) I know you’ve written, Gretchen, on how the small things we do every day sometimes matter more than the big things we do once in a while, and that feels so true to me in this experience.

I don’t know how long I’ll keep it up. One hundred days seems like a nice goal. Only 30 days away at this point! But at the same time, I’ve sort of decided I’m free to abandon it whenever I feel like it. The point of this whole thing was to get back into the habit of running, and that’s certainly happened.

Gretchen: Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits? (e.g. travel, parties)


Melissa: Honestly, I sometimes struggle with feeling like a total pain, or a killjoy! I want to eat healthy, but if everyone else is ordering fries, I feel like I’m letting them down, somehow, if I order a salad. People comment on it, you know? Or if I’m on vacation, and I get up to go running, people comment on that too. It’s those little comments that bug me more than they should. Sometimes I brush them off, but sometimes even anticipating them is enough to make me drop my habit for the duration of the dinner out, or the group vacation, or whatever.

I’m getting better at sticking to my healthy habits, anyway, though. Maybe it’s just a matter of growing up a bit, and feeling more comfortable in my own dorky Upholder skin.

Gretchen: Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger? 

Melissa: As I mentioned earlier, I lean Upholder, for sure. It’s usually not difficult for me to keep outer and inner expectations — well, with the exception of Twitter, I guess? Ha. But, yeah — I run marathons for fun, I wrote this book on top of having a full-time job. I floss.

What I’ve really appreciated from your writing about the Four Tendencies is something that you’ve said yourself, Gretchen — correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember you saying that people have asked you things about the changes you made while writing books like The Happiness Project like, “How did you get yourself to do that?” And your response was something like, “I just … did it?” That’s mostly how I operate, too. I decide to make a change, and it doesn’t take a whole lot of inner or outer cajoling to make it happen. (I guess with the run streak and the Twitter debacle I’ve described my exceptions to this rule! But generally, when I decide to do something, I do just … do it.) I grew up going to church, and my favorite verse even when I was a little kid encapsulates this tendency of mine. I like the old-timey King James Version: “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

Anyway! What I’ve really appreciated about this notion of “tendencies” is the grace it’s reminded me to give other people. Not everyone functions the way I do — and that’s fine! It’s helped me so much at work and in my personal life, as a gentle little reminder that different people are different, and not everyone sees and responds to the world in the same way I do.

Gretchen: I would also, of course, shine a spotlight on anything that you’d particularly like to bring to readers’ attention.

Melissa: This sort of builds on that last question, of reminding yourself that your way of seeing the world is not the only way of seeing the world. It gets at what I’ve started to call Cringe Theory.

I think that the moments that make you cringe are the moments when you realize that there is a difference between the way you perceive yourself and the way that others perceive you. Something that really helped me understand the feeling, actually, was a piece I wrote a couple years ago for Science of Us, about why so many of us cringe at the sound of our own voices. Briefly, here’s an explanation for why our voices sound so different to us when we hear them played back: When you speak, you hear your own voice through your ears, but you’re also sort of hearing it through the bones of your skull. Bone conduction transmits lower frequencies than air conduction; if you’ve ever heard a recording of your own voice and been surprised at how much higher-pitched you sound, this is why.

So, okay, that helps explain why your recorded voice sounds so different. But why does that make you cringe?

This turns out to be a pretty perfect metaphor for my understanding of cringe theory. I think we cringe — so, we feel awkward, in other words — when the version of ourselves we think we’re presenting to the world meets the version of ourselves the world is actually seeing. We like to pretend those two are one and the same, and that the way you perceive yourself is the way others are perceiving you, too. Sometimes that’s true. But when it isn’t — when you see the way your self-concept isn’t measuring up to others’ concept of you — I think that’s when we cringe at ourselves.

It’s when we cringe at others, too — when we can see the self that someone else is trying to present to the world, and we can also see that they’re not quite succeeding.

So, looked at in this way, awkward or embarrassing moments are moments that force you out of your own perspective and into someone else’s. They remind you that your way of looking at the world is not the only way. I’ve come to genuinely love them for that. It’s nice to get a break every once in a while from your own point of view.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Gretchen Rubin http://ift.tt/1h9oA9I

February 15, 2018 at 05:43AM

78 Inspiring Love Quotes

http://ift.tt/2HgPuiU

Today is Valentine’s Day.

So I would like to share thoughts about love from the people who have walked this earth before us (and from a few who are still here).

Timeless thoughts written down and spread throughout the decades, centuries and, yes, even millenniums.

Thoughts not only about happy, romantic love but also the love between friends and family. And about the love that is often neglected or pushed to the side: the love you have for yourself.

This is 78 of the most inspiring, touching, thought-provoking and helpful quotes on love.

1. “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
   — James Baldwin
2. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
   —  Lucille Ball
3. “Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”
   — Rainer Maria Rilke
4. “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
   — Morrie Schwartz
5. “Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.”
   — Lord Byron
6. “If I know what love is, it is because of you.”
   — Herman Hesse
7. “I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
   — Roy Croft
8. “Love is a friendship set to music.”
   —  Joseph Campbell
9. “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.”
   — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
10. “When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.”
    — Blaise Pascal
11. “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.”
    — Seneca
12. “The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”
    — Gilbert K. Chesterton
13. “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.”
    — Eleanor Roosevelt
14. “Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.”
    — Leo Buscaglia
15. “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
    — Maya Angelou
16. “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
    — George Sand
17. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
    — Rumi
18. “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”
    — Lao Tzu
19. “You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.”
    — Julia Roberts
20. “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”
    — Plato
21. “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”
    — Alfred Tennyson
22. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
    — Marcus Aurelius
23. “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” 
    — Helen Keller
24. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”
    — Oscar Wilde
25. “The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.”
    — Henry Miller
26. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
    — Oprah Winfrey
27. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
    – Buddha
28. “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
    — Dr. Seuss
29. “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”
    — Khalil Gibran
30. “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
    — Alfred Lord Tennyson
31. “Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.”
    — Vincent Van Gogh
32. “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.”
    — Albert Ellis
33. “If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.”
    — Benjamin Franklin
34. “When you adopt the viewpoint that there is nothing that exists that is not part of you, that there is no one who exists who is not part of you, that any judgment you make is self-judgment, that any criticism you level is self-criticism, you will wisely extend to yourself an unconditional love that will be the light of the world.”
    – Harry Palmer
35. “Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.”
    — Euripides
36. “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.”
    — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
37. “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”
    — Paulo Coelho
38. “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
    — Martin Luther King, Jr.
39. “A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.”
    – Andrew Matthews
40. “We are most alive when we’re in love.”
    — John Updike
41. “The love we give away is the only love we keep.”
    — Elbert Hubbard
42. “The giving of love is an education in itself.”
    — Eleanor Roosevelt
43. “The more one judges, the less one loves.”
    — Honore de Balzac
44. “Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”
    — Pablo Neruda
45. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
    – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
46. “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
    — Ingrid Bergman
47. “You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”  — Diane Von Furstenberg
48. “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’”
    — Erich Fromm
49. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
    — Lao Tzu
50. “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.”
    — Sophocles
51. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
    — Kahlil Gibran
52. “Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.”
    — Andre Breton
53. “Better to have lost and loved than never to have loved at all.”
    — Ernest Hemingway
54. “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
    — Elbert Hubbard
55. “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”
    — Kristen Neff
56. “Love is a better teacher than duty.”
    — Albert Einstein
57. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
    — Erich Segal
58. “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
    – Barbara De Angelis
59. “The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”
    — Hubert H. Humphrey
60. “Every person has to love at least one bad partner in their lives to be truly thankful for the right one.”
    — Unknown
61. “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
    – Anaïs Nin
62. “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.”
    — James Thurber
63. “The best proof of love is trust.”
    — Joyce Brothers
64. “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.”
    — Honore de Balzac
65. “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small.  My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
    – Kim McMillen
66. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
    — Josh Billings
67. “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
    — Carl Sagan
68. “Fortune and love favor the brave.”
    — Ovid
69. “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.”
    — T. Tolis
70. “Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do.”
    — David Wilkerson
71. “Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”
    — Wayne Dyer
72. “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
    — Anaïs Nin
73. “Where there is love there is life.”
    — Mahatma Gandhi
74. “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
    — Robert A. Heinlein
75. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
    — Martin Luther King Jr.
76. “And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”
    — Paul McCartney
77. “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
    — A. A. Milne
78. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
    — Charles Schulz

What is your favorite quote on love? Feel free to share the best one(s) you have found in this article or in your own life in the comments section below.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Practical Happiness & Awesomeness Advice That Works http://ift.tt/2xNE14g

February 14, 2018 at 08:16AM

3 Scientific Ways Drinking Water Makes You More Productive

http://ift.tt/2stvUfY

You're reading 3 Scientific Ways Drinking Water Makes You More Productive, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We all know drinking water is essential to good health. It keeps us alive and helps our body function properly. But what if I told you staying hydrated is also a good way to become more productive too? This article will show you 3 scientifically backed reasons why drinking enough water each day will help you focus better and get more done.

Why Is Water So Important?

To put it simply, your body would stop working properly without a good amount of hydration. This makes sense when you consider that water makes up around 60% of your body weight. The human body has many important functions to perform and needs water to do most of them. For example, your blood carries oxygen to all the cells in your body but wouldn’t be able to do this without water. Going on a journey of self-improvement and increased productivity is a lot easier if your body is at peak physical condition. Below are 3 solid reasons why you should make sure you get enough hydration each day if your objective is higher levels of productivity.

1. Water Increases Your Physical Performance

All athletes know that failing to drink enough water means poor physical performance. This is because dehydration can have a noticeable effect on the way your body operates. Losing as little as 2% of your body's water content can result in reduced motivation, increased fatigue, altered body temperature control and make everything more difficult in both mental and physical terms (1). The good news is that proper hydration can prevent all this from happening. Drinking enough water may even reduce oxidative stress. This form of stress happens when you take part in any physically demanding activity. None of this should come as a surprise when you consider that your muscles are around 80% water (2).

2. Hydration Impacts Brain Function

Your hydration status strongly influences your brain capacity and function. Studies now reveal that your brain function can even be affected by very mild dehydration (i.e. a loss of around 1-3% of body water weight). For instance, a research study conducted on young women who had a fluid loss of 1.36% after exercise shows they suffered from an increased frequency of headaches as well as impaired concentration and mood (3). While a similar research study was conducted on a group of young men who had a fluid loss of 1.59%. Despite this modest level of dehydration, the participants showed signs of increased feelings of fatigue, anxiety and a decrease in working memory (4). Being productive is hard enough without feeling fatigue, anxious or suffering from poor memory. These studies show that even being a little bit dehydrated can decrease your capacity to keep on top of things. So drinking a glass of water before sitting down to focus on what you want can help give you the energy to achieve your goals.

3. Drinking Water May Help Treat and Prevent Headaches

Many people suffer from headaches because of dehydration. However, studies show that water is capable of not only relieving the symptoms of some headaches but also preventing them in the first place (5). Headaches are not just physically upsetting, they also stop you from getting anything meaningful done. Some migraines are so bad that they can completely knock you out and render you incapacitated for a while. The last thing you want is to be completely wiped out by a headache. Especially a headache that is totally preventable by simply drinking more water.

The Bottom Line

The sad part about all of this is that the vast majority of people suffer from dehydration. Some reports claim there could be as many as 75% of US citizens suffering from dehydration that don’t know it (6). This is a huge issue when you consider how essential water is to our overall health, well being and the ability to function at full capacity. If you're worried about getting enough hydration, a good place to start is to work out how much water you should drink each day. Do this by using a daily water intake calculator to work out how much water you need to drink according to your body weight.  

Scientific References

1. Popkin, B. M., D’Anci, K. E., & Rosenberg, I. H. (2010). Water, Hydration and Health. Nutrition Reviews, 68(8), 439–458. http://ift.tt/2gDJIuh 2. Judelson, D.A., Maresh, C.M., Anderson, J.M. et al; Hydration and Muscular Performance, Sports Med (2007) 37: 907. http://ift.tt/2EnY1P0 3. Armstrong LE1, Ganio MS, Casa DJ, Lee EC, McDermott BP, Klau JF, Jimenez L, Le Bellego L, Chevillotte E, Lieberman HR; Mild dehydration affects mood in healthy young women. http://ift.tt/2alA5Pc 4. Ganio MS1, Armstrong LE, Casa DJ, McDermott BP, Lee EC, Yamamoto LM, Marzano S, Lopez RM, Jimenez L, Le Bellego L, Chevillotte E, Lieberman HR. Mild dehydration impairs cognitive performance and mood of men. http://ift.tt/2a6Dm8q 5. Price A, Burls A; Increased water intake to reduce headache: learning from a critical appraisal, US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health, 21 June 2015, http://ift.tt/2EYpTu5 6. Dahlia Ghabour; UF Health Communications - UF Health Podcasts April 14th, 2015 http://ift.tt/28Qs6Ky

You've read 3 Scientific Ways Drinking Water Makes You More Productive, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 13, 2018 at 11:12PM

Self-knowledge Can Help You Strengthen Your Romantic Relationships

http://ift.tt/2nXThJI

Valentine’s Day is almost here – and if you’ve been thinking about the relationships in your life, you may be thinking about some questions that I often get: "How do people’s Tendencies play out in romantic relationships? Are any pairings particularly strong – or particularly troubled? Can The Four Tendencies help me improve my relationship?"

If you don’t know anything about the Four Tendencies – whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel – you can take the free quiz here (more than 1.3 million people have taken it).

When we first meet someone, we’re often attracted to the very qualities that, over time, will drive us nuts. An Upholder might initially be intrigued by a Rebel’s refusal to play by the rules, and the Rebel may be drawn to the Upholder’s ability to get things done—but five years into the marriage, those qualities look much less attractive.

For instance, I’m an Upholder, and realizing that my husband Jamie is a Questioner dramatically improved our dealings. One common (ironic, annoying) aspect of the Questioner Tendency is that Questioners often hate to answer questions. Now that I know that fact, I don’t take it personally when Jamie refuses to answer a question. Also, I know I’m more likely to get an answer from him if I explain why I’m asking. "What time are we leaving? Because I’m wondering if I have time to go to the gym."

So if you know your Tendency and the Tendency of your sweetheart, that knowledge can help you strengthen your relationship, by alleviating resentment, boosting understanding, figuring out how to get things done more efficiently, and minimizing anger.

So what are some things to keep in mind about the Four Tendencies, in relationships?

Upholders:

• They’re self-directed; they get things done on their own and keep to their promises
• They embrace routine and may struggle to adjust to sudden scheduling changes
• They can be very committed to meeting inner expectations, even when it’s inconvenient for you—"I know we have guests this weekend, but I need to go for my twelve-mile run." This can make them seem cold
• They may be judgmental of those who won’t or don’t meet expectations easily
• They can seem uptight or rigid

Questioners:

• They put a high value on reason, research, information, and efficiency
• They follow an "authority" only if they trust his or her expertise and may reject "expert" opinion in favor of their own conclusions
• Spouses may become frustrated by Questioners’ persistent questioning
• Questioners often dislike being questioned themselves
• They resist anything arbitrary—like "We have to clean the basement this weekend"
• They can suffer "analysis-paralysis" when they can’t make a decision or move forward because they want more, more, more information
• When making a request of a Questioner, spouses should include plenty of explanation—"We have to get the car inspected or risk a big fine," not "Because I say so" or "That’s the rule"

Obligers:

• They put a high value on meeting commitments to others, however...
• Obligers readily meet outer expectations but they struggle to meet inner expectations, and while sweethearts sometimes count as "outer," they often count as "inner"—in which case Obligers don’t meet a spouse’s expectation
• They require supervision, deadlines, monitoring, and other forms of accountability
• They may have trouble saying "no" or setting limits on others’ demands
• They may have trouble delegating, because they feel that an expectations attaches to them personally—"I can’t hire someone to mow the lawn; I have to do it myself"
• Spouses should ensure that the desires and needs of their Obliger spouses get articulated and met, or face the risk of Obliger-rebellion if Obligers feel that they’ve been exploited, neglected, or unheard for too long

Rebels:

• They put a high value on freedom, choice, and self-expression; they can do anything they want to do
• If someone asks or tells them to do something, they’re likely to resist – something like "doctor’s orders" annoy them
• Rebels can often be manipulated to act out of resistance: "I’ll show you," "Watch me"
• They may choose to act out of love for you
• They resist routines, schedules, and repetitive tasks; they like to act spontaneously—"It’s midnight, and now I feel like fixing that door"
• They resist supervision, advice, nagging, or reminders; when you remind Rebels to do a task, you’re very likely making it less likely that they will do it
• They’re may resist settling down in a particular house, city, or job
• To inspire a Rebel to act, it’s most effective to appeal to their identity, or to use information-consequence-choice

Another common question is "How do the Tendencies pair up? Any particularly good combos or bad combos?"

Your Tendency is just one narrow slice of your nature. So many elements go into people’s attraction for each other, and the success of a relationship, it’s hard to make too many generalizations. But here are a few:

• Obligers are "type O" – they pair up the most easily with the other Tendencies.
• If your sweetheart is a Rebel, you’re probably an Obliger. Rebels almost always pair up with Obligers, whether in romance or at work.
• The most difficult pairing is Upholder + Rebel. It’s not unheard of, but it’s unusual, and often includes special circumstances. The two types are just very opposite from each other.

Has understanding the Four Tendencies framework helped make your relationship stronger or more loving? I’d be very interested to hear how it played out in your situation if you feel like adding your comment. If you want to learn more about how to understand yourself and your sweetheart, order a copy of The Four Tendencies.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Gretchen Rubin http://ift.tt/1h9oA9I

February 13, 2018 at 10:17AM

6 Reasons Why an E-Commerce Website Needs a Blog

http://ift.tt/2F0zGjl

You're reading 6 Reasons Why an E-Commerce Website Needs a Blog, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Increasing traffic to your site is the key to success! Blogging is one way of routing humungous traffic to your site. Unfortuitously, while all brands comprehend the viability of the first part, they gail to grasp the vitality of the second! They give in to the idea that engaging in direct sales is their secret to generating sales. Nurturing your Email list, handling inventory, and calling to acquire customers, will only take you up to a certain point. If you dedicate all your precious time struggling to convert customers,  you will soon start overlooking the reasons for customers to actually unearth your brand in the first place. This is where blogging comes in to play! As for any web-based business, an e-commerce website is in dire need of a blog that could speak for their offerings online,. And in all the positive ways possible that paid advertising won’t be able to accomplish. We understand that running a full-term business is exhausting to say the least, and a blog must be the last thing on your mind. But did you know that 92% of E-commerce businesses with a successful running blog, acquire most of their customers through their blog? With the ubiquitousness of blog in this era, failing to include a blog on your e-commerce website is like choosing not to get it endorsed when there were opportunities up for grasp. If you are still not persuaded enough to incorporate a blog to your e-commerce website, here are 6 reasons to change your mind:

Blogging builds credibility

Ever heard of a business that claims to have had dressed thousands in your vicinity but in reality, you never saw anyone wearing the brand? Same is the case with online businesses. Since a website is an intangible medium where you cannot find real people to glean reviews from, blogging saves the day for you by subsiding the fact that you do not have real people talking on your forum. Testimonials are an exception, since they also contribute to building credibility, but still cannot parallel the benefits of blogging. Through a blog, you not only build credibility for your eCommerce web development, but extend a value addition to your target market that can be done by purchasing your products online.

It helps in growing your market

Blogs are not meant for lead generation. They exist for lead nurturing. Blogs provide informational content to your users, and if the content happens to trigger their interest, they might as well provide a lead or subscribe to the blog to stay abreast of latest updates. Blogging for e-commerce websites could also lead to building lasting relationships with your customers. When you write about the value that your products bring to your customers, you create an invisible connection. This spark works in myriad ways, and lets your e-commerce brand etch a lasting impression in the minds of your consumers.

Works for business generation

Adding a blog to your e-commerce website opens up paths towards incremental customer reach. You already know that a blog post builds the much needed credibility for your brand. In addition to allowing you to flaunt your product to a wider audience through your blog, a blog cultivates the effort by sharing it on your social profiles. By promoting your product offerings on your blog, you actually answer queries of your target market. This makes the entire sales process easier to complete.

Blog content will boost your SEO efforts

Blog content is a great way of supporting your SEO efforts. When you instill keywords in your SEO content, you actually lure the search engine crawler towards you. Thus, boosting your chances of visibility against industry-specific keywords. When your page starts showing against popular search terms, the chances of customers landing on your e-commerce website increases. This enhances your overall business generation.

A Blog is a multi-marketing channel in itself

A blog is not a place where you only talk about your products; your blog can work as a multi-marketing channel for you. It allows you to link its posts with social forums and on blogs that you post on other websites. This helps build the overall online credibility for your content. This diversely spread content will pave way for incremental traffic landing on your e-commerce website. This leads to better business generation in the long run.

It’s a way to scale your content marketing efforts

Through targeted blog posts, you can launch campaigns that help in streamlining your marketing efforts towards a certain event. For example, Christmas related blogs are put up on various e-commerce websites to allow customers to land on websites through targeted keyword searches. By reading the relevant content, they get a chance to make valuable purchasing decisions.

Call-to-action

Alternatively, there are eCommerce developers that exist to help you set up your blog. You can get in touch with them if you have a similar idea in your mind.

You've read 6 Reasons Why an E-Commerce Website Needs a Blog, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 13, 2018 at 06:48AM

3 Deadly Myths You Need To Dismiss About Success

http://ift.tt/2G6Rd8K

You're reading 3 Deadly Myths You Need To Dismiss About Success, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Success for most people is equivalent to money, cars, luxury, and hot chicks. Is this definition universal? Nope, but it’s widely accepted because the notions above are the most widely accessible set of ideas of a ‘successful’ life. Indeed, success is beyond materialism, lust for authority, or the ability to have worldly pleasures at your will. You can shatter the notion, reprogram your brain, and personalize the meaning of the term. How? You’ve to dig beneath the surface and behold your inner voice. Find work that you genuinely enjoy and put effort into your craft to ensure you stay relevant. Besides its definition, today I want to present three myths that hold you back from reaching your potential. Check out if you’re clenching onto any of the myths.

Myth 1: Hard work guarantees success in any field you choose to pursue

Hard work is under your control. It’s internal. But the outcome of your efforts is a worldly event. You can pray, send out positive vibes to the universe, say aloud positive affirmations, or whatever floats your boat. These might be efficacious in soothing your nerves, but the external factors that determine your success can’t be discounted. Maybe the person next in line to you got lucky. Perhaps his natural talent surpasses your fruit of labor. Else, it’s also possible that your timing wasn’t right. The truth is, nobody can predict your chances of succeeding despite you giving your best shot (unless you’re into occult sciences). We all use tools --- believing in “karma” or the presence of an external force that determines our fate. It’s essential because taking the blame on yourself for all your failures/successes won't lead you anywhere. The inner emotional turmoil you will have to go through as a result isn’t simply worth it. So don’t doubt your skills and talents - push through your impostor syndrome. Go for your dream --- all guns blazing! But don’t remain hopeful to stand out as the winner. Do it for the sheer love of your craft. Trust the process. Ryan Holiday put it precisely in his book Ego is the Enemy, “Instead of pretending that we are living some great story, we must remain focused on the execution—and on executing with excellence. We must shun the false crown and continue working on what got us here.” If you adopt the stoic way, you’ll cultivate the mental resilience to jump back from minor setbacks. And create more space for extraordinary moments in your life.

Myth 2: It’s a level playing field, and you can ‘make it’ merely by working on your core skill set

Look around in these fields: Entertainment. Business. Sports. Politics. Art. Education. Nepotism is real. The powerful and influential have it better. Money, coaches, and resources are all tools that will facilitate your success. Now, you can choose to complain about the unethical violation and waste your time. Else, satisfice your emotional pain by taking the smarter route and working smartly. Analyze and understand the weaknesses that make you inferior to the people that you feel have it easy. Do you have the meta-knowledge of how your career works? Put work to find out information that can give you a competitive advantage in your industry. Is there a sub-skill that you lack? If yes, then how can you cultivate it? How can you get access to the influential insider network of your industry that puts you on the radar for promising opportunities? I am not saying you’ll get all the answers, but having a solution-oriented mindset is the best you can do as an outsider. Besides working on your core skills, it's impertinent that you make yourself more marketable. In the digital era, visibility of your work online can reward you with enriching career opportunities. For instance, many creative entrepreneurs making a living through YouTube while practicing music, drama, and art.

3. Reverse engineering mega-successful people will provide the ‘simple steps’ you need to take

Listen, mate: We’re wired differently. We’re unique creatures with different capacities and inclinations. I won’t further it into a "you’re special" self-serving slant. Simply put, the accomplishment of desired results isn’t always definable in a template. The world is fast-moving, and none of the industries we work in are composed of static parts. Even legitimate “make money online” courses that provide a blueprint for starting a successful business don’t make a 100% promise. Rather, they offer a 30 days money back guarantee (if you aren’t satisfied). The wisdom shared in such courses is extraordinary, but only you can find out if the course works for you. How? By taking action. Once you implement the lessons in these courses, you’ll start seeing the practical limitations of time, resources, and skills. A retrospective analysis of success paints an inspiring picture. And the adrenaline is what our brains desire. But media houses conveniently ignore the subtle details of advantages and failure that make the narrative uninspiring. It’s called as the survivorship bias. Sure, research on the mega-successful and derive inspiration. But you need not beat yourself if a plan doesn’t work as expected. Success is a combination of various moving components (including you). If you can’t get up at 5 am every morning that doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t achieve desired results. If you even fail to put hard work consistently, don’t lose heart. Get back to the drawing board and analyze what worked and didn’t work well for you. Then come back and get that combination right the next time. The arguments I make in this article might sound negative and could shatter the conventional wisdom that exists regarding personal development. Trust me, though, if you accept them, you can overpower them by looking for solutions (a few of whom I shared in the article). Which myth about success was holding you back? Let me know in the comments.

You've read 3 Deadly Myths You Need To Dismiss About Success, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 11, 2018 at 10:27PM

My 5 Favorite Novels About Relationships

http://ift.tt/2nWvclW

Given that Valentine’s Day is approaching, if you’d like to read a novel about relationships, here are some of my favorites.

Never fear, each one stands on its own, and is well worth reading even if you’re not particularly interested in the subject. If you’re looking for a compelling, page-turning novel, choose any one of these:

1. Crossing to Safety, Wallace Stegner – A beautiful account of love as it unfolds over the years. Fun fact: Justice O’Connor told me this is her favorite book.
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen – of course! One of the most purely enjoyable novels of all time, with a great hero and heroine.
3. Happy All the Time, Laurie Colwin – a happy story of new love, with all its delights and anxieties.
4. The Enchanted April, Elizabeth von Arnim – four very different women, strangers to each other, rent a castle in Italy for a month, which has unexpected consequences in their lives.
5. Gilead, Marilynne Robinson – love comes to a minister, very late in his life. One of my favorite novels, ever.

What’s your favorite book about relationships?

Self Help Gurus etc

via Gretchen Rubin http://ift.tt/1h9oA9I

February 10, 2018 at 05:12AM

The Top Tips to Boost Your Child’s Confidence

http://ift.tt/2sjthx3

You're reading The Top Tips to Boost Your Child’s Confidence, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Confident people are always ready to take new challenges in life. They have a better self-image, positive outlook towards life, and a strong belief in their abilities that they can work as expected. Whether it is their job, academic career, or social relationships they always stand out from the rest. Confidence is indeed a key to a successful life and if children manage to master this trait, they can ensure a healthy and victorious future for themselves. Being confident will not only improve their mental health but will help them deal with every situation and challenges such as stress, peer pressure, studies, emotions etc. Confident children can accomplish every goal with passion and perseverance. Parents can play a major role in encouraging their children and making them meet their true self. Since children trust their parents the most hence, they take their words seriously. If your child also lacks confidence sometimes and you don't know how to encourage them to keep trying, here are some basic steps that you can follow:  

Appreciation is the key

Acknowledging every little accomplishment of your children will not only make them feel happy but would light their desire to do better next time. Whether it is getting a good grade, completing the homework, or helping you at home, notice the little things that your children are doing on their own and appreciate them. You will soon see a sense of self-worth in them as they will feel confident about doing the tasks on their own. But, that doesn't mean that you have to over-praise them. You must always provide a realistic feedback to your children. If they are not good at something then, do praise their efforts but not the results. Make them understand that nobody is perfect but, with continuous practice and efforts one can achieve anything in life.  

Give them the required environment

Many times children lack confidence if they are not able to perform well in school and other co-curricular activities. Every child possesses different skills and learning power. Hence, parents must take the necessary steps so that children do well at school. If they ask for assignment help from you then, sit with them and help them do their homework. You can use different methods to teach them at home. Nowadays, one can find so many learning resources on the Internet which can help the children develop their skills and eventually their confidence.  

Make them set some real goals

Whether it is a test, learning a new skill or playing a sport, explain your children the need to set goals, how they can achieve them, and also discuss what will happen if they do not. Keep them reminding their skills and talents. This will make them believe in themselves that they can achieve what they desire with their skills. You can also ask them to set their goals on their own. It may happen that the children will set some goals which are really big and unrealistic. At this time just show them the path to achieve such goals. You may also break such goals into some mini-goals as well.

Reward them

Constant motivation is required to achieve any goal. If there comes a situation where your child is lacking confidence then, motivate them by setting rewards like a cookie if they read a chapter, their favorite video game if they score well in the exams etc. This will encourage them to do the task with full enthusiasm.  Also once they will accomplish, they would find how easy the task was. Celebrate their every little success and see the difference in them.

Positive Affirmations

Affirmations can program our subconscious mind to success. They shape our mind with a positive outlook and build our self-esteem with which we can easily achieve our goals. So, parents can use this technique to boost their child’s self-esteem. Talk to your child and tell them the value of positive thinking. You can ask them to use affirmation phrases like “I can do it”, “every day is a new day with new opportunities” etc.

The power of ‘try’

The most important thing to incorporate into the minds of children is that failure and success are two sides of the same coin. If they are unable to accomplish something, show them how they have made the best of their efforts. Ask them to try again, teach them the ‘never give up attitude’, cheer them up and make them understand that setbacks are a part of life. In the end, parents are the role models for their children. A child looks up to them in every situation and follows their lead as he/she grows. Hence, as a parent, it is your duty to portray everything suitably. As it is said, a candle has to burn itself to spread the light, similarly, parents need to work on themselves first, build their self-esteem, become stronger and confident and then only they will be able to build their child’s confidence.

You've read The Top Tips to Boost Your Child’s Confidence, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 9, 2018 at 10:29PM

How to Read Like a CEO Without Breaking a Sweat: 47 Books a Year

http://ift.tt/2H10Kjl

You're reading How to Read Like a CEO Without Breaking a Sweat: 47 Books a Year, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

  "I read a book one day and my whole life changed" - Orhan Pamuk Yes, it's true. You can a read like a CEO without breaking a sweat. And I know this because I do it. And it's easy. I didn't believe it at first but a year and 47 books later, it became true. Let me first tell you that an average CEO reads about 40 books a year while an average person reads less than 10 books a year. And the difference in income is more than 400 times bigger. But this is the info you already know. You want to know how so let's go into it.

Create a system for book reading

You decide you want to start doing something. You know it will transform your life for better. And you start doing it. Day 1 goes great, Day 2 ok and on Day 3 you are already quitting. Day 7 and you totally forget about that thing you wanted to do. Does this sound like you or everyone that you probably know? Of course, because this is how we usually operate. We rely on our willpower which depletes quickly. And because of that, we quit. Only relying on our willpower will bring us nowhere. So we started to create systems. Systems which would shift the focus from ourselves and our willpower to the system. Here is an example: Imagine that you have a job. And you need to get up at 7:00 AM to go to work. You hate it, grudge but you still do it. Because you HAVE to. Imagine now that you are starting your own company. And you need to get up at 7:00 AM to start working. You hate it and you just hit snooze on your alarm. You still have to do it but it's gonna be there even if I wake up at 9:00 AM. So you postpone it. To change this, we need a system. [caption id="attachment_55038" align="alignnone" width="460"] My book reading system[/caption] A simple system consists of 3 things:

• Easy Daily Action
• Tracking
• Measuring

And that's it. You just need these 3 things to have a system. And here are the details on each and every one of them

Easy Daily Action

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle To have an efficient system, we need to base it on a daily action. We will take book reading as an example here. The point of daily actions is to make it a habit. And habits are all about repetition. It is not about doing a lot of work in the small amount of time, it is about doing a small amount of work but doing it consistently. That’s why it’s important for the action to be easy. If you had to read 5 hours every single day, you wouldn’t even start. But 30 min a day? It sounds like nothing. And it adds up over time and at some point, it becomes our character and we do it automatically. An example: "I run every day.", " I read books every day." or "I'm a runner", "I'm a bookworm."  

Tracking

  "What gets tracked, gets done" - Peter Drucker The system needs to be easy to track. I constantly see people who make their trackers so complicated that it makes me and them sick. And of course, they create them once and never open them again. When you track what you do, you know that you are on the right track. You know how much of that activity you did, when did you do it, how much impact it had, how much time it took you etc. That's why we love games. We know when we did progress because that bar moved or we leveled up. Companies already started to leverage this through gamification so why not use it on yourself. The system needs to be simple and easy to use. You don't want to spend 50 minutes reading every day and then spending an extra 50 minutes filling out your system. The system is there to help you save time and be efficient, not spend it.  

Measuring

  "What gets measured gets improved" - Robin Sharma There are 3 ways of measuring book reading and here are the examples:

• I will read ___ pages of a book daily
• I will read ___ minutes daily
• Did I do my best to read today

The first one is measured by a number of pages you read. I do this for my book reading and it's 20 pages minimum a day. The second one is measured by the number of minutes you read daily. Keep this number low, between 30-60 min. Remember, it's about consistency, not intensity. The third one is measured from 1-10 and it falls into the category of self-assessment. There are days when you swamped with a lot of things and maybe you only read 5 pages or read for 10 minutes but it was the maximum you could do on that day. So you give yourself a grade of 10 there. Other days, like a nice Sunday afternoon with no obligation and you can read 100 pages or read for 5 hours and give yourself a grade of 9. It depends on your daily schedule.  

My system

[caption id="attachment_55041" align="alignnone" width="1287"] Click on picture for a full-screen display[/caption] I read a minimum of 20 pages of a book every single day. With this, I would read 7300 pages in a year. Considering that an average book has around 200 pages, I would read 37 books in a year. So I started on 20th of December of 2016. I've read my 20th book on 5th of June 2017. And once I created a system, it was easy following it. I'm a slow reader so it usually takes me around 50 minutes for 20 pages of a book. Sometimes I read more, sometimes less but here are the overall statistics after a year: 365 days 9273 pages read 47 books 25.4 pages a day on average And it was easy. You can do it too. Just create a system and let me know how's it going. Cheers, -Bruno

You've read How to Read Like a CEO Without Breaking a Sweat: 47 Books a Year, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 8, 2018 at 10:10PM

“I Can Be Critical, Yet Also Defensive (I Can Dish It Out, But I Can’t Take It.)”

http://ift.tt/2GUMicA

Interview: Anya Kamenetz.

I got to know Anya Kamenetz through a writers' group to which we both belong. Among other subjects, such as education and student debt, she writes about something that's of deep interest to just about everyone in the world today -- how to use technology to make our lives happier, healthier, more productive and more creative, and not to let it get in the way of those aims.

Technology is a good servant but a bad master -- so how do we master it?

Her new book just hit the shelves: The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life.

This is an issue many parents face -- how to think about and manage children and screens. One of her great conclusions for how to think about screens: "Enjoys screens. Not too much. Mostly with others."

I couldn’t wait to talk to Anya about happiness, habits, and productivity.

Gretchen: You’ve done fascinating research. What’s the most significant thing you’ve concluded?

Anya: I think we're going to look back on this first decade-plus of the smartphone era and it's going to be like smoking, or riding in the car without a seatbelt, or drunk driving. Like, WHAT were people thinking? And there's going to be a massive citizen movement, public health interventions, and maybe some litigation before things get better.

Gretchen: What’s a simple habit that consistently makes you happier?

Anya: I don't regularly meditate, but I stop and take deep belly breaths throughout the day, especially before I pick up the phone, go into a situation that makes me anxious, or go to bed at night.

Gretchen: What’s something you know now about happiness, health, creativity, or productivity that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

Anya: You don't have to be friends with people who don't make you feel good. The world is full of plenty of wonderful people who will love you and want to spend time with you.

Gretchen: Which habits are most important to you? (for health, for creativity, for productivity, for leisure, etc.)

Anya: A habit I started after doing research for The Art of Screen Time was to keep my phone out of the bedroom. Sleep researchers believe that some of the worst problems we see in children and adults in connection with technology, from obesity to anxiety, stem from excess exposure to blue light interfering with melatonin production. I also watch less TV than I used to, limiting my screen time overall.

Gretchen: Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

Anya: I'm a Questioner all the way.

Gretchen: Have you figured out any strategies to help harness the strengths of your Tendency – or to offset the weaknesses or limitations of your Tendency?

Anya: I have to do tons of research before I commit to a strategy for self-improvement, and it also helps if I have others with whom I can discuss ideas for positive change--not necessarily to hold each other accountable but to stay inspired.

Gretchen: What’s a complaint that others often make about you? What’s your response to that? (e.g., you’re too rigid, you ask too many questions, you never take time for yourself, you never listen.)

Anya: I can be critical, yet also defensive (I can dish it out, but I can't take it.) What often seems to help is to shift the conversation into a problem-solving mode, so that it's less about blame for what's happened in the past and more about how we can both make it better in the future (whether that's a hug or a new family or work habit to follow).

Gretchen: Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits? (e.g. travel, parties)

Anya: Since 2016 the biggest interference has been an adorable baby girl who gave me insomnia as a fetus, didn't sleep through the night as an infant and as a toddler likes to start her day at 4 or 5 in the morning.

Gretchen: Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

Anya: I was a week overdue with the aforementioned baby, completely miserable, watching the runners of the New York City Marathon stream by in my neighborhood in Brooklyn. I suddenly said to myself, "Next year, you'll be running that course!" And, I did!

Gretchen: I would also, of course, shine a spotlight on anything that you’d particularly like to bring to readers’ attention.

Anya: I want people to know that they don't have to feel guilt or shame about their own or their kids' tech habits, but it's important to start talking about what is and isn't working so we can make changes.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Gretchen Rubin http://ift.tt/1h9oA9I

February 6, 2018 at 05:11AM

The Psychology of Momentum: 5 Steps to Get Yourself Out Of A Mental Rut

http://ift.tt/2BHIYCj

You're reading The Psychology of Momentum: 5 Steps to Get Yourself Out Of A Mental Rut, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Do you ever find yourself in a mental rut? Sometimes you have days, or even weeks, whereby as much as a part of you wants to be active, you just can’t bring yourself to do so. It can literally feel like you’re wading through quicksand! There’s one thing, however, that can not only help get you out of the rut but can help keep you out. And that is; momentum. See, the brain is a pattern making machine that’s built to find a route and follow it consistently. It does this because it wants to conserve energy, it’s stingy, and this is why it’s so hard to make a behavioural change, particularly when you don’t ‘feel’ like it. It completely goes against your homeostatic drives. However, that also means that once you have a habit in place, momentum can be a powerful tool to use to your advantage. After having established a pattern of behaviour, you will continue to follow it, and it will become easier and easier. In a sense, momentum is far more important than motivation. Though in the moment it can feel incredibly difficult to get up and break the cycle, there is a similar, repeatable process that you can do which will help you create enough momentum to get out and take action consistently. Here are five steps to get yourself out of a mental rut.

• Flood your brain with dopamine

If you want to make any behavioural change when you’re dealing low energy and enthusiasm, you have to begin by altering your state. To do that you need to change your neurochemistry by naturally stimulating your dopamine production. Dopamine, sometimes known as the motivation molecule, will help you to feel like you want to get stuff done. Here are a few ways to boost your dopamine:

• Decrease or eliminate sugar
• Spend time outside in the sun
• Take steps to combat anxiety and stress
• Do some high-intensity exercise
• Practice Deep Breathing or Yoga
• Take magnesium and vitamin D supplements
• Get enough quality sleep
• Set goals

 

• Set a strong intention

I mentioned setting effective goals as one of the ways to improve dopamine production. This is partially why setting an intention is vital. When you have something to work towards your dopamine naturally increases. The other reason this is so important is that it keeps your mind focused. Mind-wandering is incredibly taxing on your mental energy, and it is much more likely to occur if you don’t have a guiding goal to direct your attention towards. The stronger the intention, and the more emotion you can associate with it, the more profound the effects are going to be. For example, you may want to get out of a mental slump you are in by setting yourself the intention of running every day and competing in a 10km race. You can make the experience emotional by thinking about how good you’ll look and feel about yourself when you’ve finished the race. Don’t worry about being a little vain; the point is to get yourself excited about the idea.

• Choose a set of reference experiences

It can be tough to take on a new challenge when there aren’t any recent memories of similar experiences. A reference experience is a smaller goal whose main purpose is to serve as an example in your memory, reminding you that you can do something. Once you’ve set an intention, you want to think of a set of actions that will compliment your intention and show you tangible signs of progress. So for example, you may not be able to run 10km yet, but you are physically capable of running 3km, so you can decide on a shorter route that you can do, and start to visualize yourself doing it. You could then slowly scale up to 5km and 7km trails in mental preparation for the larger race. Reference experiences will give your body endorphins as a reward for completing them, which reinforce the behaviour in the future and help in the momentum process. “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.” - Vincent Van Gogh

• Take the smallest step and increase it incrementally

The first part of this step is to start your momentum train with the smallest action you can imagine. In the example I’ve been using this far, that may even just be putting on your running clothes and stretching. Any movement is better than no movement, and it’s more effective to start small to avoid burnout. After that you want to decide on a time scale at which you’re going to increase it slightly, I’d recommend once or twice a week. You want to be in a position where you’re looking forward to the increase. If you’ve decided that your first step is to put your running shoes on, then you can do that for three days so by the third day your itching to get out and run around the block.

• Repeat

  Finally, once you’ve gone through all of these steps, continue to make small improvements until you get the sense that you’ve reached a plateau and are ready for a new intention. If you feel like you’re stuck in a mental rut, understand that it’s just a feeling. It’s not going to last forever and practicing mindfulness of your emotions will ensure that you are better able to see this over time. The human mind is a wonderful tool when you can get it to work in your favour, and the principle of momentum can help you do just that. Follow these five steps, and you’ll quickly see how fickle the feelings of sluggishness truly were, and how rapidly vitality can become the norm again. What experiences have you had with momentum? How has it worked for you? Let us know in the comments!  

---

  Benjamin Fishel is a freelance writer, meditation practitioner, and the creator of the popular blog Project Monkey Mind. He’s also currently studying his Masters in Applied Neuroscience. If you’d like to know how you can calm your mind using Modern Psychology and Eastern Spirituality, get his free cheatsheet 10 Hacks to Calm Your Monkey Mind (in 5 minutes or less).

You've read The Psychology of Momentum: 5 Steps to Get Yourself Out Of A Mental Rut, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 5, 2018 at 10:22PM

Learning This One Language Will Help You Make More Money

http://ift.tt/2Ed53cK

You're reading Learning This One Language Will Help You Make More Money, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Learning a second language has traditionally always been popular with the hobbyist and travel community. But what about the business community? According to Euro London, a recruitment agency, learning a language has shown to add between 10-15% to your income. This only goes to show that learning a foreign language is a wise investment for business professionals and CEO's. Let's take the average salary of someone in New York City, ~$85,000, a 2% "language bonus" average over 40 years, and also a 1% raise annually, you'd have an extra ~$110,000 by the time you retire. As long as you choose the right method to learn a new language quickly, that's a pretty good return on your time.

Which language offers the most money?

A report from The Economist, shows that not all foreign languages offer the same returns. Albert Saiz, an economist from MIT found the following:

• Spanish -- 1.5 percent bonus
• French -- 2.3 percent bonus
• German -- 3.8 percent bonus

Why is this the case? It's not that Spanish and French aren't as useful languages to learn as German. It just comes down to supply and demand. For example, Spanish-speaking countries will account for a larger GDP than German speaking countries. However, given the amount of people that can already speak both Spanish and English, it may not offer the best returns, financially speaking. You're better off learning a language like German, Mandarin, or Arabic, with high demand and less supply of bilingual speakers. Even if they're not the easiest languages to learn. And if you're still not convinced of the opportunity costs of not knowing a foreign language, estimates show that a lack of language proficiency in Britain alone, costs the economy $80 billion a year. In conclusion, if you've been putting off learning a language because you didn't have any plans to 'travel' this year, how about your plans to 'make more money?'

You've read Learning This One Language Will Help You Make More Money, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 4, 2018 at 10:39PM

Accelerate your Happiness with these 14 Steps

http://ift.tt/2DUFfi7

You're reading Accelerate your Happiness with these 14 Steps, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

1. Message Your Family and Friends Often

It’s so easy to let our social and familial lives slide down into a small corner of our lives in favor of our work lives. Because of our goals and “responsibilities” we’ve been taught that it’s okay to focus on staying “busy”.

Yet, strong relationships have been shown in numerous studies, to be the strongest predictors of life satisfaction. When you express yourself with a couple of different friends every week, you give yourself the best chance of being happy.

Life then doesn’t seem like it’s all about this solitary pursuit, but more like an experience, you’re cultivating to the benefit of everyone around you.

Based on the longest study on happiness by a group of Harvard researchers, a major finding was that the quality of your relationships — determine the quality of your happiness. According to positive psychology, that means you’re likelier to move in the right direction in every other area of your life.

2. Laugh Whenever You Can 

Based on a whole library of research documented by Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, people who laugh often are happier, and likelier to achieve more in their lifetimes. As children, we used to laugh hundreds of times per day. As adults, that number got whittled down significantly.

Humour is our primordial philosophy, but we only cultivate it through being mindful of the looking-glass we navigate our lives with.

3. Love More of What You Do 

Each day is precious, finite, and fleeting. Yet, because it is given to us freely, it’s easy to forget that. It should be our aim to suck the marrow out of each day, quietly embellishing ourselves in its full possibilities.

A day spent in drudgery is a day that hasn’t been lived fully. While a day that’s been experienced with an underlying sense of play can make the most seemingly ordinary days an adventure.

In the myriad responsibilities of work and life, you can make the most out of your day by imbuing as much of what you do with a sense of love. And you can go further by cultivating your creativity through an art form each day.

4. Make Yourself Feel Good Every Morning

Your daily morning routine is the foundation for your life. If you start off each day by cultivating the mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional areas of your life you’ll head into your day with a spring in your step.

Whether you read, exercise, journal, meditate, take a cold shower, or else — a sign that you’re moving in the right direction is that you practice what puts you in peak mental and physical state each day.

5. Travel Somewhere Every Year

While life may partly be about the hustle, it’s also about having a holistic life that makes you feel energized to be the best person you can be. Going away allows you to come back home renewed, ready to fire on all cylinders.

Travelling is about much more than taking the time to have some fun and relax. It’s about going on adventures that disconnect you from your existing culture — so that you see yourself with a little more clarity.

It’s about enriching your life, with unique, memorable experiences. If you’re not able to travel abroad due to circumstances, even trips to different cities in your country can have the same sort of positive effect. A change in the environment creates a change in perspective.

6. Realize That Everyone is your Teacher

Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. Every person you come across is a potential teacher or mentor.

Marcus Aurelius, the famous Roman Emperor, in his book, Meditations wrote:

“the span we live is small — small as the corner of the earth in which we live it.”

To make your view of the world clearer, and life larger, you have to: be open, ask the right questions, and continually test out new ideas. You need to reach out to potential teachers, and look for the gems in what they share with you.

7. Read Books that Broaden your Horizon

If you realize that everyone is your teacher, you’ll naturally gravitate to books. Reading them will shape and mold your character. They’ll make you consider possibilities you would have never otherwise considered. And they’ll allow you to lead a more intentional and aware life.

Sometimes, the most profound insights you have in your life will come through reading one sentence, one quote, in one book.

8. Invest in Yourself

Countless people similar to you have made mistakes and often pass on their decades of experience — so that you don’t have to always learn things the hard way.

Warren Buffett, the world renowned investor, once said:

“It’s good to learn from your mistakes. But it’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes.”

Having the willingness to let go of your ego, by investing in yourself through education, will cut your learning curve. Just because you’ve finished your degree doesn’t mean your life education is over. In fact, it’s always just getting started.

If you don’t invest in yourself, then who will?

9. Reflect on the Direction you’re taking

You only ever have so much energy to give, and every once in a while; you need to take a pit-stop to reflect. You can do this by writing a journal, or simply calling a friend or family member to reflect on your year so far.

Your reflections will give you the clarity needed to act on hard truths — so that you can make huge strides in your development.

10. Save Money Every Month

If you don’t have money under control, you don’t live as freely as you can — and you’re not preparing for the future. Brian Tracy, one of the most prominent self-improvement authors, in his book, the 21 Secrets of Millionaires, wrote:

“If you don’t save money, the seeds of greatness aren’t within you.”

Making a saving plan doesn’t have to be complicated. You just need to calculate how much you automatically spend every month, and then set a monthly saving goal that you can easily commit to.

11. Mostly Eat Healthily

Anyone can eat a couple of fruits and vegetables per day. Anyone can eat one protein-rich meal per day. Anyone can skip the soda and make sure they drink enough water.

Eating healthy is not a pursuit of perfection, it’s just about feeding your body more of what it needs, and less of what it doesn’t.

Yet, in a world where companies are spending billions of dollars on marketing processed foods, it’s okay to slip up on occasion. But by feeding your body more nutritious foods most of the time, you’ll down-regulate part of the lure processed foods have over you.

12. Exercise Daily

Exercise isn’t just about accelerating your physiques development; it’s also a way to improve your physiology. Similarly to fine-tuning a car, your body needs the right intervention to operate at its best.

If you’re exercising in some form every day (even if it’s just taking a long walk), then you’re also leveraging all the areas of your life closer to their full potential.

13. Be Mindful of your Media Consumption

Be the director — by being mindful of the quality and quantity of information you allow to flow into your life. You decide whether you want to experience the better part of the thrills you seek, through a screen, or your life.

With a flick of your fingers, you can get access to a whole variety of entertainment on streaming services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime. Based on a 2015 International Communications market report, the average person in America consumes an average of five hours of Television per day!

Zig Ziglar, in his book, How to Stay Motivated, mentions that the average Chairman of a board only consumes four to eight hours of television per week. Even if you’re not chairman of a board, you can apply the same principle.

14. Put Yourself out of your Comfort Zone Each Day

The Stoics practiced a form of voluntary discomfort in their routines. They would take fasts on occasions, wear “the scantiest of fare”, and sleep on the floor — to absolve themselves of everything they feared from being taken away. Ryan Holiday, in his book, the Daily Stoic, mentions:

 “We must fight our biases and preconceptions: because they are a liability.”

Doing what may seem unfathomable to the average person, whether it’s part of your routine or something that you muster up the courage for, will open you to up to a new dimension of gratitude and fulfillment.

Summary

There’s this underlying sentiment, subtly propagated through media that we first need to achieve something notable, to prove that we’re enough.

But the biggest breakthrough we could ever make in our lives is to cultivate the habits, which allow us to move deeper into embracing the present.

It’s only then, that we’ll be in a better position to experience great breakthroughs.

Are you Ready to Upgrade?

I've created a short guide to help you create your best week ever, right now.

Click here to get the guide!

You've read Accelerate your Happiness with these 14 Steps, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Help Gurus etc

via Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://ift.tt/2aANZiC

February 2, 2018 at 02:36AM